Instead of Complaining that the Rosebush has Thorns...

... be Happy that the Thorn Bush has Roses.

Always makes me smile :)

The first thing I heard was the whinging. Commuting to work a couple of mornings ago, I sat down in front of a loud, very bitter looking, middle-aged blonde. For the entire 10 minute ride she barely paused to breathe - too much to say about her new boss. All bad, obviously.

This triggered several memories of epic moans I've had about bosses in the past. But no longer do. Why? Because when I stopped the bitchin' I stopped getting annoyed about what I was bitchin' about. No, really, hear me out. I'm a bit of a worry wart (thanks Dad!) and in our society complaining in the norm. It's an ingrained part of the watercooler effect; it's what pours out of our mouths when we have nothing else to say, it makes us feel accepted in society. I mean, everyone does it. What is more natural than having a kvetch about your boss? Nada. Sidenote: love that word, kvetch!

The next day, I was sitting in a favourite bar indulging in my Tuesday Ritual: I pick a bar near my house and take my Kindle out for a red wine. Me, myself and my thoughts. And a notebook. I write down plans and random projects, I sometimes scribble pictures in the corners, I read my e-books and take notes. I love this ritual. Suddenly my phone rang (which is why it's usually not invited for Tuesday drinks); it's one of my closest friends.

When I hung up, a good three quarters of an hour later, I was emotionally drained. I'd been on the receiving end of a massive work rant. I'll be honest: I was damn irritated. I have made a conscious effort over the last couple of months to stop complaining. About anything. So I don't really want to hear them either. And this is not because I'm a bad friend, it's because they're a waste of time.

Nowadays, when something gets to me, I:

1. Pause 
I don't let myself get angry or sad or make rash decisions or indulge in revenge fantasies (which is a bummer because they can be so much fun!). I just accept the feeling and analyse it. Why has it annoyed me?

2. Put it in context
My Dad comes into play again; his favourite expression is "l'únic que no té solució és la mort", catalan for "the only thing that has no solution is death". And it's so true! This humbles the complaint, it's me saying: "you're not that important to me". It also points out that there must be a solution. And that's the place we should start!

By this, I don't mean to imply that none of your or my problems are important because I'm sure some are, what I mean is that if something has a solution then fast-forward to that instead of wasting time and energy in a bad mood and bringing those around you down. Take action or don't, that's up to you, but complaining will only make the problem worse. Why? Because you're focusing on it.

I used to hate the guy sitting next to me at work: shouty, a man's man, full of nothing but hot-air and chauvinistic jokes; I'd get home fuming and spend a good half hour snarling about him to my husband. One day I realized he was looking a bit glazed and suddenly reality smacked me in the face: I was being boring. What's worse, I was boring myself. How did that happen?! I was allowing something negative affect me not only at work, but at home. That was when I remembered one of my favourite Buddha quotes:

Buddha was well known for his ability to respond to evil with good. There was a man who knew about his reputation and he traveled miles and miles and miles to test Buddha. 
When he arrived and stood before Buddha, he verbally abused him constantly, he insulted him, he challenged him, he did everything he could to offend Buddha. 
Buddha was unmoved, he simply turned to the man and said, “May I ask you a question?” The man responded with “Well, what?” Buddha said, “If someone offers you a gift and you decline to accept it to whom then does it belong?” The man said, “Then it belongs to the person who offered it” Buddha smiled, “That is correct. So if I decline to accept your abuse does it not then still belong to you?” 
The man was speechless and walked away. 



Exactly! So, farewell complaining! And you know what? It worked! It took me a while to realize but by not giving it any importance outside of work, I began tuning it out when I was at the office. I had trained my mind to simply gloss over this co-worker.

Now, when situations which might have irritated me in the past pop up, my brain sees them and just keeps on walking. Strutting its stuff.

Later I called my friend back and explained all this, we ended up having a great chat about the good bits in our lives. Smiles all around.